Aesop and Facebook

A fable for your entertainment

Once upon a time…

… there existed a mythical land where all believed the words they said were always funny, always brilliant, always insightful. This land, called the Kingdom of Facebook, encouraged a free exchange of ideas and cat videos.

Life in Facebook Land caused some to enjoy an artificial level of security, dreamily believing that their thoughts and rants were fascinating and, in fact, that they were invincible.

Enter the Princess

One Monday in October, as temperatures and leaves fell, Princess Colleen rolled out of bed around noon, yawned noisily, and threw open her castle windows to look out upon her Facebook kingdom.

“What shall I post today for my subjects?” she mused. “I know. I’ll take over a page populated by very nice trailer-owning folk and barrage them with inane questions designed to insure I remain the center of attention. If I’m lucky, it’ll give me a forum to tell everyone about my husband’s unfortunate ailments. I’m a genius!”

So Princess Colleen took to her trusty keyboard and hammered away, asking fascinating questions about pizza and donuts served at a recent rally. Group favorites included, “Can you eat as much as you want?” and “Are the donuts fluffy and glazed or more cake-like?” and “Can you arrive late and still get fed?”

People responded. In fact, they responded kindly and graciously. And abundantly, perhaps simply highlighting the world’s desperate need for entertainment.

Enter the Evil Witch

Late that same Monday, Kim, the Evil Witch of Facebook Land, picked up her phone to see what folly had ensued while she was at work, and saw Colleen’s inane questions. Hoping the questions were really tongue-in-cheek, Evil Witch Kim wrote, “You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s pizza. It’s donuts. It’s free. Relax, for God’s sake.”

As the Witch drove the ridiculously long route to her home, she heard her phone beep once. A comment, no doubt. Then it beeped a second time. And a third time.

It seems the Evil Witch had angered Princess Snowflake. The Princess called the Witch “mean” and rambled about her husband’s allergies and the critical need to ensure that he is not exposed to killer tomatoes. Yep, at a pizza event.

In a surprisingly entertaining and wholly unprovoked moment, Princess told Witch to “shut yer pie hole.” So yeah, it looks like Princess might also be the Duchess of Alabama. Or maybe West Virginia, or another place where education ain’t much valued.

The Trump Card

Before the Witch could respond because she has a stupid long drive, Princess played the trump card:




Kim crumpled into a sobbing, heaving lump on her kitchen floor, devastated that she had been banned by royalty, relegated to a life of relative anonymity where needy princesses reign supreme.

The Moral

It’s a fable so we have to have a moral. I offer you two; choose the perspective you prefer.

1. Play nice, even when dealing with barely literate princesses who can’t handle being challenged.

2. Be brave enough to call out those among us who think the world revolves around them, who take every opposition as a personal offense. And then watch to see how many people secretly agree with you and find the princesses of the world exhausting and taxing.

P.S. Princess Colleen is NOT Colleen of please-kill-the-mouse fame. That Colleen is awesome and normal and has a damn sense of humor.

P.P.S. I desperately wish I could share screenshots of the Princess’ endless question posts because you all would LOVE them! But, you know, blocked.

P.P.P.S. Go Nats!


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