Who know D could be so much fun?!
Any good road trip requires good road trip food, so the first stop was at Your Mom’s Donuts in Matthews, NC.
The owners use locally-sourced ingredients to make huge, yummy donuts with unpredictable flavor combos. This one was Brown Butter Pecan and it was delicious!
Then I started driving up to Wytheville, Virginia by way of lots of twisty, mountainous back roads. Along the way, my friend Colleen (Fun Colleen, not Crochet Colleen) sent me a text that reminded me that “distillery” starts with D. So, thanks to Al Gore and his brilliant internet, I found Copper Barrel Distilling in Wilkesboro, NC.
So here’s the thing. I used to like moonshine, mostly because it works great in a Slurpee. Try it. But either my tastes have evolved or moonshine is kind of gross. The end.
As you all know, each stop requires bourbon at a speakeasy. In Marion, VA I found the Speakeasy where I had an amazing grilled cheese and a bizarre old fashioned. But it was all necessary to strengthen me for the main event.
Becky Hawke, researcher extraordinaire and creative genius, came up with the ultimate D destination and found it in Wytheville: DEMOLITION DERBY!
I learned stuff, lots of stuff.
First, I learned that there is a dress code for demolition derby and I absolutely did not meet code. If you’re going to go into a huge metal warehouse filled with dirt and car exhaust, it is extremely unwise to wear a cute white sweater, new jeans, and ankle boots. It’s really stupid to carry a designer purse. But, if you wear the white sweater and ankle boots and carry a fancy purse, you can draw even more attention from the people in the camouflage sea if you proceed to walk right across the whole stupid arena. I could feel 3,000 pairs of eyes staring at me and wondering, “Who is that?”
Actually, the people behind me loudly discussed who I must be. The consensus was that I was either a wife of one of the drivers or I was a reporter for a local newspaper. So apparently I suck at blending in.
Second, I learned that if you dress like an idiot at a demolition derby, no one asks you for your ticket so you can get in for free. Score one for the fancy moron.
Third, I learned that you never, ever want to take the SAT the day after attending a demolition derby. Thanks to the exhaust fumes, you will leave the demolition derby with fewer brain cells than you had when you walked in.
Finally, I learned that the mullet is alive and well in Wytheville, Virginia, birthplace of me. I come from some very interesting stock, it appears, but when a car was flipped over in the arena, an impressive number of men came FLYING out of the stands, doing that one-hand-on-the-fence jump thing, to pull the guy out of the car. So maybe my stock is a little heroic, too?
So, folks, there you have it – a wildly successful D Day. But in my opinion, E has the potential to be even more amazing.
One thought on “Demolished!”
Omg! I have to say I’m not sorry to have missed this one, although I adore your descriptions!! The exhaust would have been the end! Instead I was horizontal dealing with a nasty cold. I’m on day 7 and finally feeling better. I’m looking forward to reading about E and participating in F!