Demolished!

Who know D could be so much fun?!

Donuts

Any good road trip requires good road trip food, so the first stop was at Your Mom’s Donuts in Matthews, NC.

The owners use locally-sourced ingredients to make huge, yummy donuts with unpredictable flavor combos. This one was Brown Butter Pecan and it was delicious!

Distillery

Then I started driving up to Wytheville, Virginia by way of lots of twisty, mountainous back roads. Along the way, my friend Colleen (Fun Colleen, not Crochet Colleen) sent me a text that reminded me that “distillery” starts with D. So, thanks to Al Gore and his brilliant internet, I found Copper Barrel Distilling in Wilkesboro, NC.

So here’s the thing. I used to like moonshine, mostly because it works great in a Slurpee. Try it. But either my tastes have evolved or moonshine is kind of gross. The end.

Speakeasy

As you all know, each stop requires bourbon at a speakeasy. In Marion, VA I found the Speakeasy where I had an amazing grilled cheese and a bizarre old fashioned. But it was all necessary to strengthen me for the main event.

Demolition Derby!

Becky Hawke, researcher extraordinaire and creative genius, came up with the ultimate D destination and found it in Wytheville: DEMOLITION DERBY!

Yup.

I learned stuff, lots of stuff.

First, I learned that there is a dress code for demolition derby and I absolutely did not meet code. If you’re going to go into a huge metal warehouse filled with dirt and car exhaust, it is extremely unwise to wear a cute white sweater, new jeans, and ankle boots. It’s really stupid to carry a designer purse. But, if you wear the white sweater and ankle boots and carry a fancy purse, you can draw even more attention from the people in the camouflage sea if you proceed to walk right across the whole stupid arena. I could feel 3,000 pairs of eyes staring at me and wondering, “Who is that?”

Go ahead – zoom in. No white sweaters.

Actually, the people behind me loudly discussed who I must be. The consensus was that I was either a wife of one of the drivers or I was a reporter for a local newspaper. So apparently I suck at blending in.

Second, I learned that if you dress like an idiot at a demolition derby, no one asks you for your ticket so you can get in for free. Score one for the fancy moron.

Third, I learned that you never, ever want to take the SAT the day after attending a demolition derby. Thanks to the exhaust fumes, you will leave the demolition derby with fewer brain cells than you had when you walked in.

See that haze? It’s car exhaust. Actually, it’s the visible evidence of dying brain cells.

Finally, I learned that the mullet is alive and well in Wytheville, Virginia, birthplace of me. I come from some very interesting stock, it appears, but when a car was flipped over in the arena, an impressive number of men came FLYING out of the stands, doing that one-hand-on-the-fence jump thing, to pull the guy out of the car. So maybe my stock is a little heroic, too?

Party in the back

Most exciting moment of the night

So, folks, there you have it – a wildly successful D Day. But in my opinion, E has the potential to be even more amazing.

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