A Cautionary Tale

For 43 years, I’ve won the game, the game where I let my gas gauge go as low as possible before I refill. I know it’s dumb but I can’t help myself – the adrenaline rush of finding a gas station at the last possible second kind of makes my day.

That all came to an end today in rush hour traffic on Tyvola Road in Charlotte. If you know Charlotte, you know that’s bad. I managed to coast for about a quarter mile until my car gave up at the bottom of a hill. I activated my hazard lights, called AAA, and called the police. Then I watched as harried drivers slammed their brakes in the rain at the last second to avoid hitting my car.

Then it got interesting.

First, a very cute, very nice-smelling man stopped. I explained that help was on its way but before I could finish, he yelled, “Wait! I know you!” He was convinced I worked at a local college. I don’t. He insisted. I still don’t. This inane conversation continued as cars skidded to a stop behind him.

Once I convinced the confused but nice-smelling man to leave, a Ford Explorer stopped. The driver activated a light bar on the roof so yellow and red lights flashed at me as he jumped out of the vehicle. He said (and I swear every word of this is true), “I’m with Allstate.”

I responded, “I’m not.”

He said, “That’s ok. I’m here to help. This is what I do.” He then launched into a story about an old man he just helped who thanked him with an Irish blessing.

This is a good time to mention that this Good Samaritan from Allstate was wearing Richard Simmons-esque shorts and a hoodie. His car had nothing on it to make me think Allstate was involved. There was a very sketchy looking guy in the passenger seat and the rear windows were tinted.

I had a brand new gas can in my car (I don’t really know why) so Angelico, the weird shorts guy, offered to take my gas can to a nearby station and bring me gas.

No lie: I was praying constantly, just saying, “God, send me a cop” over and over while Angelico was putting cones in the road, irritated drivers were flipping me off, and the sketchy passenger remained in the non-Allstate car.

Then I saw the blue lights. A police car pulled up behind the Ford Explorer and two officers got out. Very quickly I said, “I ran out of gas. AAA is on the way but this guy pulled up, said he’s with Allstate, and offered to go get gas for me. Something isn’t right.”

Police officer, never taking her eyes off of Angelico: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “It’s weird, right?”

Police officer, still staring him down: “Very weird.”

Angelico introduced himself to the officers as someone from Allstate, then left with my gas can to save the day.

The officer and I stood there for a few seconds, both staring at the back of Angelico’s Explorer as it pulled away.

Me to the officer: “You saw that, right?”

Her: “Oh, yeah. I saw it.”

Me: “He’s wearing stockings.”

Her: “Black sheers.”

Angelico left and she said, “We were on the other side of the road when we saw his lights come on and knew immediately it wasn’t AAA. We did a u-turn and when we pulled up, we saw he had a fire department sticker on his car. That’s when we knew something was up.”

Five minutes later AAA showed up, poured a couple of gallons of gas in my tank, and left. As soon as he finished, the officer leaned out her window and said to me, “Go. Go right now. Just go. We’re going to wait for him.”

I don’t know. I want to believe there are good guys out there who help out morons like me but there’s no way Allstate sanctioned a stocking-wearing creep. The police officers were on high alert the whole time and I trust their instincts. I have a sick feeling that I narrowly avoided something awful because believe what you want but God absolutely answered that prayer.